


When Everything's Made to be Broken

by flower_child



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: After 3.07, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:18:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4292163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flower_child/pseuds/flower_child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't know who else to call..."</p>
<p>The Dyad Director's apartment is definitely the last place Sarah expected to be tonight. But how could she say no? Sarah's always had an inkling there's something bigger, something the sisters aren't seeing.</p>
<p>Takes place after 3.06 but before 3.08</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Everything's Made to be Broken

_And I don't want the world to see me  
_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_-Iris – The GooGoo Dolls_

 

“Fee, _stop,”_ Sarah giggled as her brother’s foot sailed once more within inches of her bourbon glass. “I’m serious!”

It was nice to be having a night in with Felix like they used to, just the two of them. Cosima was out with whatever new girl she’d picked up, and Alison had offered to let Kira spend the night. It was…nice.

At least, until her phone started ringing.

Felix groaned and pecked at her hand with his toe. “Don’t pick it up, _please.”_

Sarah squinted at the name on the burner phone. “It’s…Delphine.”

“D’you think something’s wrong?” Felix sat up straight, sobering up instantly.

“I—I don’t know.”

Sarah’s thoughts flitted to Cosima…to Helena and Alison. Had something gone wrong with her sisters? A cold feeling spreading throughout her body, Sarah pressed ‘Accept Call.’

“Delphine? Is something up?”

“Sarah, I—” The French accented voice was thick, less understandable than usual. She paused before stuttering, “I—I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry.”

_Holy shit. Delphine was crying._ “Delphine, wait. What’s going on?”

She didn’t answer for a moment. “I’m just…I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Is something wrong with my sisters?” Sarah repeated more urgently.

“N-no. It’s…it’s nothing.” A muffled sob.

Sarah rolled her eyes. Was she really gonna go babysit Delphine?

Yes, evidently.

“Listen, Delphine. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

A sniffle. “That isn’t necessary—”

Sarah hung up, looking over at the couch to find an incredulous Felix staring at her. “You’re not seriously going over to your sister’s ex-girlfriend’s house in the middle of the night, are you?”

“I think I am,” she muttered, just as disgusted with herself as Fee was. She grabbed her coat and phone before hurrying out of the loft.

 

_What could Delphine possibly want with me?_ Sarah wondered, head bumping uncomfortably against the subway window.

She’d been to Delphine’s apartment once before; she’d had to bring Cosima some clothes and toiletries during one of her boycotts of Felix’s place. Sarah grinned at the memory…how different things were now.

 

Upon entering the well-lit lobby, Sarah considered her options. She could pass for Cosima, saying she was Delphine’s girlfriend. The doorman would remember her, right?

However, as she approached the desk, her mind seemed to change course. “Hi, um, Dr. Cormier invited me over.”

The doorman lifted an eyebrow before leaning over to press a button and say into a microphone, “Dr. Cormier? A visitor…it’s…”

Sarah bit her tongue. “Alison. Alison Hendrix.”

Delphine’s voice crackled through the intercom: “Yes, send her up, please, Frank.”

 

Sarah rapped sharply three times on the door to apartment number 603, when it was wrenched open. She gave the taller woman a once-over before stepping into the entryway.

Her blonde hair was curly, tied back into a loose bun on top of her head, and she was wearing glasses Sarah had never seen before. She pretended not to see the tear tracks she’d obviously swiped away in a hurry.

Sarah smirked. “Director of the Dyad Institute, in a t-shirt. Not something I’d expected to see.”

Delphine shook her head, running a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Sarah stood motionless, hands stuffed in her pockets. Though, when Delphine didn’t speak for a moment, she continued, “Though…what _is_ going on?”

“I—” Delphine closed her eyes briefly. “Cosima.”

It was interesting to see the eloquent Delphine Cormier at a complete loss for words. She could easily negotiate the fate of nations, but Sarah’s genetic identical seemed to have her stymied.

“Let’s get you something to drink.” Sarah looked around for a liquor cabinet, mainly just trying to find something to occupy herself with. She really didn’t want to be having this conversation.

Delphine chuckled dryly. “Believe me, I’ve had enough to drink.”

The taller woman walked over to perch on the edge of the sofa, inviting Sarah to join her with a glance. Reluctantly, Sarah obeyed, finding a seat as far from the blonde as possible.

They were silent for a moment.

Annoyed by the realization that Delphine wasn’t _actually_ going to initiate any sort of discussion, Sarah began finally, “I don’t hold it against you, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Delphine’s voice was soft, surprised.

Sarah sighed. “I mean that…yeah, I’m pissed that you broke my sister’s heart—”

At this, Delphine actually threw her head into her hands. “I _had to.”_

“I know.”

“Nobody considers that I…” Delphine trailed off.

“What was that?”

The other woman looked straight at Sarah, eyes dry and defeated. “You people don’t consider that I broke my own heart as well.”

“Jesus _Christ,_ Delphine.” Why the _fuck_ did she have to say something so…honest? It made it impossible to be angry with her. “The…the situation is fucked up. Beyond belief. I know that.”

“I never asked for any of this.” She lay back against the sofa, knuckles rubbing at her eyes. “You know that? Rachel, she seconded me to be this Dyad…God, what is the word…a worker bee, almost. She flew me to Frankfurt so that I couldn’t interfere with your imprisonment in Dyad, and then, out of nowhere, you shoot a pencil through Rachel’s eye, and I’m stuck as the middleman between Topside and Dyad and a hundred other corporations!”

Sarah just watched Delphine speak, at a complete loss for words. Then, a question that had risen to her mind often the past few weeks came spilling out. “Why, though, Delphine? Why’d you have to cut it off with Cosima? You guys could’ve been fine. I don’t understand—”

Delphine suddenly leaned forward toward Sarah and spoke in a hiss. “Do you have _any idea_ how many people could have me dead in a second if they knew I was even speaking to you?” She shook her head, as if trying to clear it of water. “They…they’ll do anything to get leverage. Anything. They need to make sure I behave. They threatened Cosima, Sarah. I couldn’t let something happen to her. It made more sense…if we weren’t in contact anymore.”

Sarah’s jaw almost fell open. Almost. Of all the selfish reasons she could think of for breaking up with Cosima, selflessness had _not_ been on the list. Delphine was right…none of them _had_ considered that she would have been just as hurt as Cosima.

“Delphine,” Sarah’s voice was softer than she’d intended. “What happened in Frankfurt?”

Delphine’s eyes widened from behind the black frames and she shook her head. “It’s better if you don’t know.”

“If it’s something I can tell Cosima, get her to understand—”

_“No,”_ Delphine said, aghast. “You cannot tell her I called you. She’s…better off.” The scientist’s voice broke and Sarah heard tears constricting her throat. “She’s…happy with Shay. She doesn’t need me anymore. I just…never anticipated needing her…so much…”

Sarah could only listen in shock. Every time she’d encountered Delphine since the end of her relationship with Cosima, the doctor had appeared more put-together, professional, and cold. All the sisters had sympathized with Cosima, helping her to move on, but Sarah had always had an inkling that there was more to the picture.

“Delphine, she needs you, too,” Sarah said, leaning forward to look at the blonde. “She’s falling apart.”

Inexplicably, this just seemed to make Delphine feel worse. She clapped her hands to her face again, fresh tears seeping from between her fingers. “Please, just go. I shouldn’t—”

The truth was, Sarah had no idea what to say, but the next bus didn’t come for another half hour.

Plus, the blonde doctor was growing on her.

_“Sarah.”_ Delphine’s voice was suddenly quiet.

“Yeah?” Sarah looked into the brown eyes and saw terror unlike anything she’d ever experienced.

_“They’re going to kill me.”_

“What?”

“That’s what they do. If you aren’t useful anymore, they get rid of you. And the things I’ve done, the things I know…” She sighed. “It would be worth it, you know? It would be worth it if I just knew she was safe.”

               

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_  
 _  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive  
_  
  
_And I'd give up forever to touch you_  
 _  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_  
 _  
When everything’s made to be broken_  
  
I just want you to know who I am


End file.
